


Happenstance

by Sombereyes



Category: Mai-HiME
Genre: F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:00:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sombereyes/pseuds/Sombereyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the HiME battle, a young hesitant love found me. That love is gentle, and very fragile. Even though you think I don't notice it, I do. So, my Natsuki, this is merely happenstance. I can't help it, if I want to cradle that forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I have no excuse for this, besides the fact that I was in a very whimsical mood when I decided to do this. This will likely be a very slow moving fan fiction. There's isn't going to be a lot of deep plot to this, at least, I don't think there will be. I really just wanted to do something that was solidly romance. So, here we are.
> 
> Thank you to WindChaser0001 (found on the FFN), for being the appointed beta for this ongoing project.
> 
> I do not own Mai HiME.

Chapter 1

The night was cold, a winter's eve. Snow drifted to the ground slowly, a passing interest for anyone who might gaze upon the way it clung onto the trees. It drifted from the sky in tiny puffs, and Natsuki had to admit she tried to catch a few here and there on the tip of her tongue. Her desire for the childlike whim came to no avail. The night sky was too dark, well away from the blinding city lights. The darkness was illuminated by the flickering of a lantern as an elderly woman led them up the cobbled pathway to the humble abode Natsuki had rented.

Shizuru had been beside her, as they walked hand in hand, carrying the supplies for their time of blissful solitude. The joy, that had been forged several months ago when Natsuki had booked the trip, settled between them. Now that they were here, the moment was all the more sweeter. Even the way rosy cheeks were set alight by the chilly air around them gifted a reason to smile. One kiss was enough to ignite passions they'd not yet dared to cross.

Timeless, was the way emerald eyes shimmered behind closed doors. Breathtaking, the advance of a woman whose desires were untamed. Befitting, even by the smirk that graced their features. Sinful, the way they'd allow it now, where no one else would know. It was the way they wanted it to be, as their hearts stumbled, and often fell at the mercy of what love meant. Now that they were here, nothing could stand between them. This place both a safe haven and the bridge to the deepest ocean, the one they'd not yet crossed.

Elegance quelled the nature of a woman who dared never to be held.

Shizuru had worn down Natsuki's defenses.

Stubbornness, that kept them from their maddening goal, melted away.  
Natsuki insisted that ambiguity would never be enough.

A crossroads like a river, and there was no boat.  
It meant they'd have to swim.

Soft fingertips caressed her cheek, but Natsuki didn't care about the way they trembled. She merely covered them with her own. Their palms were cold, and she heard the squeaking of boots on the floor. Shizuru drew near. So close to the borderline, and yet, never actually breaking through. It was Shizuru's specialty. Natsuki waited patiently as Shizuru drank in such a moment, one that Natsuki was sure she would never understand. She had no interest in the memories that befell them.

The ghosts always lingered in Shizuru's eyes...even years later.

They'd come a long way since the battle. Romance was an inevitable, fleeting truth between them. Slowly, they'd somehow found themselves sharing in their lives. Rooming together turned into something more. However, in spite of their greatest efforts to reach across the chasm, it was too soon, and yet, not soon enough. Shizuru's love was one that had been fanned for a long time, unrelentingly, the fire burned. Natsuki was also beginning to feel the inadequacy of living a life half-heartedly...she desired more. They both did.

"Are you going to just stand there?" Emerald eyes caught the sight of a frown that slipped away, faded and hardly noticed.

"Are you sure about this?" Shizuru asked then, the fluttering of young love danced in her belly. "I'm not in any hurry, Natsuki." Her desires mixed with her beating heart, but even so, her mind played the villain. Reminding her of all that she couldn't have been offered, and this had all been too much. Natsuki had planned this grand stage. "We don't have to, if you aren't ready."

"It's been two years since that summer, Shizuru. I'm as ready as I'm ever going to be. Besides, we came up here so that we wouldn't be bothered." Natsuki implored then, seeing the trickles of uncertainty begin to show through Shizuru's often perfect mask. "If you don't want to do this, I understand."

"It isn't that." Shizuru shook her head, her chest feeling heavy. "I just want to be sure. You're nervous, aren't you?"

At that, Natsuki averted her eyes to the unlit fireplace, and then at the sofa directly in front of it. "A little." She managed to say, whilst dragging her eyes back to meet her girlfriend's gaze. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Shizuru told her, pushing some dark tresses of midnight hair behind Natsuki's ear. "Honestly, I'd be worried if you weren't." With a deep breath, she calmed her own inward panic. "So, let's just take it slow and get settled in for the night."

"We needed a vacation." Natsuki smirked then as she moved the few inches closer, just to pull Shizuru into a tight embrace. She was thankful Shizuru hadn't pounced on her as soon as they'd walked through the door, a small fear that she'd kept tucked away in her back pocket. "Mai was driving me nuts." They shared a chuckle and took in the comfort of the warm embrace. Then it was time to unpack. Natsuki picked up the scarves and gloves from the floor, hanging them up so that they could dry. "So, it isn't ritzy, but at least we won't be bothered."

"I can't even get reception." Shizuru told Natsuki after looking at her phone again. "My father will not be happy."

"Your father was pissed in the first place." Natsuki reminded her. "He doesn't really like me."

"It isn't that he doesn't like you." Shizuru denied the claim, as always. "You just have a strong personality."

"That's a nice way of saying that I'm an ass." Natsuki muttered then as she got wood built up for the fire. "Face it, your dad would rather that I was skipping around in skirts like some bubbly airhead."

"He would rather that you were a man." Shizuru corrected. "Natsuki, my father comes from a very different lifestyle. He's a stern person because of it. My mother is also the same." While Natsuki prepared the fire, Shizuru had taken to unpacking the cooler filled with cooking supplies. "I don't expect that the two of you will ever get along." The cottage was small, but cozy and comforting. "I've made peace with that."

Natsuki had heard the retort time and time again, but she just couldn't help herself. "You shouldn't have to make peace with it." They escaped the city for some time alone. "I swear, I'll get him to come round, you'll see." Time for each other, and no one else. "Though in truth, he might make me lose my mind first." Without even a phone signal, they were thankfully isolated for as long as they wanted to be. "Then he and I can both be blockheads."

"Why do you insist on fighting battles you simply cannot win?" Shizuru finally asked her with a small laugh. "Always chivalrous, my Natsuki." She said then, her voice filled with the gratitude she couldn't possibly say otherwise. "My father may never be thrilled about it, but at least he hasn't disowned me either."

"Yeah, well at least he has some common sense." Natsuki muttered under her breath. "It's more than I can say for some people." With some effort and a bit of annoyed grumbling, she finally had the fire lit, and she basked in its glow. "Are you going to loiter in the kitchen all night?"

"Don't be silly." She held up a few snacks, and something cool to drink as she came to sit by Natsuki's side. "I just thought you might be hungry."

It was a soft shake of her head that spoke of everything. "I'm not hungry, I just want to relax a bit." She leaned back onto the floor, where she bunched up every pillow in the vicinity. Reaching an arm out, she wasted no time inviting Shizuru to snuggle. The fact was, they were both tired and could use a break. They'd been busy the entire drive up, and contented because there had been no idle time. Now, there was little between them to cause a distraction.

The implication was thick in the air. With bated breath, and a slight frown, Shizuru finally found her voice to say what was on her mind. "You don't have to be so tense."

"I'm not." Natsuki thought that the gentle rise and fall of her chest would have made that obvious. Her eyes drifted down to regard the woman cuddling into her, immediately she found herself at odds. "I'm just thinking, that's all."

"You can stop now." Shizuru told her while leaning in. "I'm happy just being here with you." Hovering over Natsuki, she used the pillows for leverage. "Just being near you like this, it makes me so happy." Their breath mingled for not a second time that night.

"That's not enough for me, not anymore." Natsuki tilted her head to deepen the already teasing kiss.

Shizuru grew tense for a brief moment, as if still unbelieving that this was happening. The insistence washed over her. Natsuki had a way of shattering any and all pretense, casting it out of the window as soon as it might be clutched at. Still, her determination lacked fortitude, and her lips quaked uneasily whenever they kissed. The sensation of letting an other so close, was an onward struggle for the both of them, breaking down the already crumbling walls was not something done lightly.

They both had scars that couldn't be seen.

They could be felt, fingertips toying idly as they tangled themselves in long tresses of hair, even that was still not enough to soothe the woman of emerald eyes, and, Shizuru had to admit, that was one thing Natsuki never really wanted to admit. She took pride in being stone, having a chip on her shoulder meant she could push people away. The fascinating thing about that was, in times like this, she held on fast. Her eyes were always timorous, whenever Shizuru pulled away from their kiss to search those moistened pools.

"Why'd you pull away?" Like that of a soothing melody, Natsuki wanted to be played. "We have nowhere else to be tonight." It was a murmured hesitancy in everything she did, always liking such gentle ministrations, especially when words failed them.

"You're right." Shizuru breathed in agreement. "For once in our lives, the world isn't getting in between us."

"So, what gives?" Natsuki's brows furrowed, trying to figure out just why she saw wetness in Shizuru's eyes.

A soft chuckle graced Natsuki's ears as it slipped between parted lips. "After the HiME battle, a young and hesitant love found me." She told the woman who awaited her reply. "I know that love is gentle and very fragile. Even though you think I don't notice it, I do." She couldn't help herself, as she let her fingers intertwine with Natsuki's own. "So, my Natsuki, this is merely happenstance. I can't help it, if I want to cradle that forever."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The fire burned all night long, and for hours they just sat awake, watching the flickering embers. The skittering of shadows on the wall danced silently to music that would never be heard. Not even murmurs slashed through the tranquility of things that neither one of them had the strength to say. It was an insanity all on its own when their hands would find places that lit a spark. They weren't looking for them and neither one dared to make a sound of approval when it happened. Being engrossed with the fire was the safe way out...a way to protect them from themselves.

They didn't want to let go, not even when Shizuru's phone began to indicate that it was low on battery.

There was no need to charge it, seeing as no one could reach them out here anyway. Still, even so, she forced herself to tend to the crying device, merely so it would quiet down. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth with a sigh after she plugged it in. Emerald eyes watched her with fascination, and absently, Shizuru found words she thought she might never say. "It's funny, isn't it. The one time I don't need it is the one time the battery decided to die." With a small smile, she shook her head. "The gods truly have been merciful in their own malicious way."

"You say some pretty weird stuff." Natsuki told her as she sat up.

"It is silly." Shizuru wasn't afraid to admit that much. "I can't tell you how many times I waited for your call." She was well acquainted with that old routine. Her youthful soul had made her go to war with herself many times. Her memories of those lonely days were vivid. She had been a teen clutching onto the object with such raw need, as if it had been her very life. Back in high school, and in her early semesters in university. "I know it probably doesn't make any sense, but every time the screen lit up, I felt my heart get tight. I'll admit, I was just a little apprehensive." Now that they lived together, the tightness was always replaced with joy. Even so, the memory of bitter sweet affection lingered. "I wanted to see your name there all the time. It turned out, that every time you called, I held back."

"I figured." Natsuki shrugged. She remembered that. Shizuru's words were always different over the phone. Jokes were left aside for a quiet, hopeful tone. Back then, Natsuki never really took notice of it. "But why would you do that?" After she had discovered Shizuru's true feelings that voice began to make more and more sense. "I didn't think I was all that judgmental."

"You weren't." Shizuru told her, trying to ease the confusion she saw.

"Well, you were afraid of something." Natsuki muttered. "Even if you say it was only rejection, I don't believe it." She never had, and she never would. Shizuru was happy to keep herself locked away for the most part, and Natsuki tolerated it with a grain of salt and a heart full of devotion. "I wasn't homophobic. I just didn't care about that kind of stuff."

"You never thought about it." Shizuru's reply came smoothly. "It was easy keeping up appearances and tiny fibs." Still, her eyes found the floor, studying the slats in the wood, and trailing all the way to the large area rug that Natsuki was sitting on. "You're right though, I was afraid of a few other things too. Even now, I'm sometimes fearful of them."

"When has that ever mattered?" Dark brows furrowed. "We've always kept things we don't want to talk about tightly under wraps." They were alright with that, and Natsuki approved of tight lips and even tighter heartstrings. The utterances of what went through their minds was a very prickly area, like a bed of thorns. Venturing across such a painful field was never an easy task. So, more often than not, they didn't speak about deeply seeded issues. Natsuki liked it that way because it kept embarrassment down to a fraction of what it would otherwise be. "If you don't want to tell me, that's your choice...but, you don't have to protect me either."

"Natsuki, I don't know if that's something you really want to hear about me." Shizuru's warning came one last time.

"I think I can handle whatever you throw my way." Natsuki told her, assured of that at least. "This isn't like before. No matter what you say."

"Well, I doubt anything will change at all." Shizuru began, clearing her throat just a little bit. "You are who you are, and I am who I am. That won't ever be different, thankfully." She smoothed out the wrinkles in her jeans and pushed up the sleeves of her sweater just a little bit. Then she sighed, crossing her arms. "It isn't important, really. I was always afraid that even if you did give me a chance, I just wouldn't be what you were looking for...even now, sometimes I-" Immediately, she realized what she was going say and stopped herself, looking away from Natsuki in shame.

"Even after all this time?" Natsuki stood from her place, crossing over the gap that separated them. "Hey..." Natsuki murmured as she came into Shizuru's line of sight. "" She neared the woman, tilting her head up and to the side, begging for a kiss.

"It hurts me more to know that you feel guilty over what you couldn't control." Shizuru told her. "Still, my desires from back then haven't changed, and if stealing a kiss was that bad, sometimes I wonder what it might be like now." She didn't give Natsuki the kiss the woman craved. "Everything I desire, I've never once experienced. All of the books I've read or the erotic movies I've seen, trying to take the edge off, it did little more than make me want you all the more." She laced her fingers into silky strands of midnight tresses. "Preconceived notions about what it might feel like aside, I've never let anyone have the kind of power over me that you do."

"I would never try to hurt you." If one were to judge her on past mistakes, she knew her words wouldn't count for very much. "If you want me to be gentle, all you have to do is ask." Yet, even so, times they shared were aplenty. "Is that really so hard for a person to do?" Natsuki knew that faint hope, that wasn't exactly so far away, would find its way back into Shizuru's eyes. It always seemed to come and go, a fragility, and Natsuki wanted more than anything to protect it. With a soft sigh, and a carefully placed smile, she knew what she was inviting.

"You tell me." Shizuru told her. "How many times have you refused help, or even refused to talk to anyone around you?"

"Point taken." Her smile waned and she looked down to the table Shizuru was leaning on. The grains in the wood, though interesting, felt like an ocean. It was easy on the eyes, no judgment could be found there. Natsuki knew why it would become an easy thing to stare endlessly at. "It's harder than it sounds, so I won't ask the things you can't answer." She leaned in, capturing Shizuru's lips with her own, a practice she knew well as their fingers intertwined, and that simple act became not enough. Natsuki not only took charge of the maddening dance that kept her lips occupied, she dared to let her hands trail up Shizuru's arms, and then down the sides of her body, taking joy at the shiver she received in response.

Hesitantly she broke the kiss when her hands were at Shizuru's hips, resting at the womanly curve that Natsuki always found enticing. Her fingers slipped underneath the shirt and toyed with the sensitive skin there. She found it difficult looking into Shizuru's crimson eyes, knowing she'd get caught up in the gaze if she were to look there. She didn't want to be petrified from the profound inklings of what Shizuru would never really say. They'd gotten to this abyss so many times now, Natsuki was quite sure she'd developed a phobia of falling.

Look, but don't touch.

It was their golden rule for so long, and now, they fully intended to shatter that very ideal. What would normally be an innocent caress of skin, that was a respectful distance away from womanly attributes, became a taunting reminder of who she'd been kissing and what exactly Natsuki had fully intended to do on this trip. They were safe now and one of her deepest fears, someone barging in on them, wouldn't be found within these safe walls. Nao was not there to light a fire where one was not needed and Mai's sisterly coddling was nowhere to be found.

Her heart stammered at that, a great comfort, and yet, there was no childlike innocence to hide them. Knowing that not even Shizuru's parents could rip them apart, there was no need for such pretense. Not here in the privacy of a place that was chosen due to the tranquility. With great care, she slowly pushed Shizuru's sweater higher, her cheeks burning brightly as she allowed her eyes to meet Shizuru's again. "I love you." She murmured at the pang of uncertainty she found there. "Don't ever doubt that."

"I don't." She placed her hands over Natsuki's. "I doubt my own strength." She closed her eyes, a frown on her face as she sighed deeply. The next thing she knew, they were pulling off her shirt. Exposed, with only her bra to protect her, she couldn't help but let loose a self-deprecating smile when she opened her eyes. "You'll have to forgive me, Natsuki. I lack a well-placed joke."

"You have them." Natsuki told her with a shake of her head. "You just refuse to say them." She lifted a hand to Shizuru's cheek, guiding them close again. "You always make jokes about the things you're most afraid of." Tentatively, their lips met again. Natsuki let her fingers trail down over Shizuru's shoulder, following the smooth feel of cotton under her fingertips as she followed that thin bra strap. Her fingers trailed up and down that thin strip.

It was a road she'd not yet walked, and it was the hardest one she'd ever taken. Faltering wasn't an option and, fearfully, she pressed into Shizuru. Enveloping the woman into a firm hug, she broke the kiss and tucked her head just under Shizuru's chin. They both stood there, drawing patterns and breathing deeply. Taking in all of what they knew to be fact, knowing, even those truths would become unfounded, just like a dream.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The flicker of firelight and the serenity of the moon protected them. Locked within the safety of an embrace, it was so easy to slip her fingers into the long tendrils of midnight tresses. The silky strands flowed over Natsuki's shoulders like a waterfall. Shizuru knew then that Natsuki's stammering heart beat the same as her own. Unsure of herself, she licked her lips to steady her quaking soul. "You're overdressed." She amended that quickly enough, pulling Natsuki's shirt off with great ease. "Don't look away." She told the embarrassed woman. "It makes things so much harder to do."

Just like that, the worry dissipated slightly. The woman's eyes, like that of an emerald bay, glistened with severity as she found her arms tangled around Shizuru once again. "Then just don't look at me like that."

"Natsuki is very beautiful." She kept her voice simply direct. An honesty that was lacking affection, least she fray the already thin tightrope they both walked. "Many people look at you. They notice you more than you realize."

"They don't do it the same way you do." The admittance was soft. "You've always looked at me differently. I pretended not to notice that because I didn't want to be told the same old stuff. I hated hearing that I should be all the things I didn't want to be." With a shuddering sigh, she backed away from the tight embrace. Part of her regretted that because at least while hugging, it kept them from truly seeing each other. "Think about it." Now, instead, she was forced to face Shizuru, the woman an intoxication all on her own. Her body was one Natsuki felt envious of. "I want to be working with my hands in a machine shop or something...not posing for pictures."

"Natsuki, there's something even more erotic about you when you're working in a shop." At that Shizuru chuckled. "It may be that a harder edge to your demeanor comes out, but so do many other things." Her fingertips spoke a testimony to that fact. "I don't know many other women who are so well-defined." They played with the toned muscles of Natsuki's abdomen before rough hands captured Shizuru's wrist, halting her exploration. "There is no other woman that I know of, who can be the type of person that you are. The type you strive to become."

"Stop that." It was a low, soft growl that slipped from her lips. Her voice was a little indignant, and her cheeks painted themselves a deep blush. "You know why I look like this...it wasn't because I was trying to look beautiful." Natsuki's looks came naturally, a fit and active lifestyle was something she merely enjoyed. "I really don't think I am, not in the way others believe that I am, anyway."

"Perhaps not, but that's what I adore about your modesty." Shizuru's amusement knew no bounds. Her eye took in the curvature of a woman who could be harder than steel and softer than any morning's mist. "Natsuki, you've become even stronger now that you've taken on your apprenticeship." Her abs were defined in high school, but now they plainly stood out. The same could be said for Natsuki's arms. They had always displayed themselves powerfully. Her legs, Shizuru knew, were the perfection of smooth creamy skin. "You, Natsuki, are what they call the total package."

"Don't be stupid, I have man hips." Natsuki grumbled. "They're slender, and thin, just like a man's. They're not like yours."

"You're just being modest, Natsuki." Before Natsuki could halt Shizuru's advance again, Shizuru deftly turned the tables, letting her hands rest at Natsuki's sides. Her fingers waged war with light touches that made Natsuki's eyes slam shut. "You're beautiful." Shizuru breathed as she found a place that interested her, a spot only she knew of, that rested on Natsuki's lower back.

The shorter woman released a hard breath. "Gods." It was relentless, the way toying fingers found the particularly sensitive spot. "My mark was there." She told Shizuru trying to stop the overwhelming sensation that was flooding over her. She had to bite her lip to not cry out, least her knees give way.

"That doesn't bother you, does it?" A tiny bit of Shizuru's humor broke through the air and reached Natsuki's ears with the power of provocation.

With a soft grumble, she caught the smirking troublemaker, making the smile vanish completely. They faced each other down in such a way that neither one of them dared to edge closer. Yet, even so, neither one wanted to back away either. "Why do you insist on playing games?" The question sent a spark through them.

"It's easier to play games." Shizuru murmured.

"I know it is." Natsuki told her. "We've been playing them for years." Natsuki was sick of playing house. Of having just enough romance to get by. The teasing insanity of being madly in love, and yet, never being strong enough to give in to another person so helplessly. Even when they fought, they stood their ground and never wavered away form their own personal strengths. "We don't have to play them anymore." Yet, here they were teasing that fire, toying with the very wall of ice they wished to melt. "I know you're afraid of what it might mean, but so am I."

"Natsuki..." Shizuru pulled away, shaking her head. "You've always given me the things I wanted most. This is too far...it'll never be alright, no matter how much we love each other."

"Let your guard down." Natsuki's voice was soft and inviting. With deep steadying breaths, she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, taking it off as her breasts became free from their confinement. "Even if just a little bit." She couldn't stop her fingers from shaking when she took Shizuru's hand, kissing it gently before stepping a little closer, and inviting Shizuru to touch her. "Please, don't hold back anymore...don't run from me."

Still in disbelief, Shizuru slowly rolled her fingers, coaxing a pebbled peak. When that was enough to gift her resolve at Natsuki's relaxed, cool expression, she leaned in for a kiss. Her hands wandered freely upon goose fleshed skin. She felt her own bra become slack between them, and she gave Natsuki the space to remove the obstacle that kept them apart, her breath catching in her throat as she realized each and every defense would feel this way.

A pang filled her again at the mere thought of that moral disregard. The fruit of that suffering was sweeter than she could have imagined, but still there was one more price to pay, and that startled her. She wanted Natsuki to take her to that high she'd always heard about. A woman's body was magical in that regard. Still, absentmindedly, she covered her breasts when she found that Natsuki was looking at her.

Regardless of the gentleness found within emerald orbs, it was maddening to be watched with such intensity.

Her mind screamed of how wrong this was, purely because it had never been in her plans. She was the one who should have been in control, or so she felt. Natsuki refused to let Shizuru hide behind false pretense or fear...they were both terrified of this weakness. It made for utter hell, one that built its castle in the heavens. Natsuki's lips began to kiss at the nape of her neck. It forced her to feel all the things she had always been afraid to find at the end of the tunnel. Longing had trapped her there, but now, she was free.

Natsuki's embrace, the softness of an unattainable woman, was more than in her reach. It was inviting her, and Natsuki was guiding her in ways she'd never imagined. It was when Natsuki began to softly fondle her that she realized, she wasn't the only one who had been holding back. Just like that, the barricade that lingered between them broke. It was set ablaze, the ashes be damned as they melted into yet another heated kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The world seemed to be so small, when tangled in the embrace of another. The whispering fear that lingered in the air like an unknown fog, dissipated with every kiss and hesitant touch, as their bodies intertwined. Somehow, time managed to slip away, and standing became arbitrary. It weighed them down, and the gravity that kept them from drowning, also kept them afloat. Natsuki was thankful for that, it helped her keep her wits about her. She was strong enough to support them both when Shizuru began to become weak in the knees.

That, in and of itself, was sweeter than milk and honey.

Fawn tresses were the perfect place to tangle her fingertips whenever she got the chance, and the soft caresses that trailed lazily over her were only icing on the cake. Shizuru's soft murmurs were pleading for more and yet, were begging to be set free from the torture that her mind seemed to run rampant on. Her breathing was sharp, and with every rise of her chest, their bodies pressed closer. Ample breasts, supple and inviting. They pressed into Natsuki's own, just long enough to tease her.

When she could take no more, she pulled away, her lungs screaming for air and her mind crying for the lack of warmth.

The air was chilly around her. It was a reminder of just where they were. Her eyes darted to the room that wasn't far away. The bedroom door sat open, where she knew she could take them. She wanted to, so very desperately, but the look in crimson eyes warned Natsuki that too fast would frighten the both of them, and too slow would crush them. "Shizuru..." Natsuki found her strength in the way of keeping her hands busy. She knew if she could just push past her damnable mindset, she would be okay.

When she let her hands trail lower on Shizuru's body, she felt the creeping truth come to her, a wave she feared might carry her.

Her fingertips were lingering at the waistband of Shizuru's jeans. Her worries were greeting her again, and she forced herself to swallow them down. If she could just get through this, she knew she would be alright. She was seeking permission from the woman who seemed ready to bolt. She'd never seen the woman so bothered, so uneasy, as she saw Shizuru now. "Can I?" She wasn't given an answer right away, and the beauty before her was a tribute to all that they had endured. She pushed fawn tresses away from Shizuru's face, if only to connect the gap that seemed to separate them every single time one of them became at odds.

"Natsuki, please..." She turned her face away, the blush that was on her cheeks told all of how she felt on the matter. "I haven't the strength to amuse that question."

"You don't have to." Natsuki had always known that Shizuru would desire this so much. Yet, she would deny herself the very thought. That was dizzying to Natsuki, who couldn't even get her heart to cooperate, let alone her mind or her hands. Natsuki would amuse it for her, and she made it very clear she wanted Shizuru out of those infuriating jeans, the sooner the better. That was enough of an answer, because Shizuru didn't pull away. Instead, the woman bit her lower lip, and breathed deeply as she let her eyes fall back to Natsuki. They stood, locked within a gaze, as Natsuki's hands made work of the button and the zipper. The formfitting jeans became slack and Natsuki grabbed fist fulls of denim, only to be paused by Shizuru's hands on hers.

"I didn't think..." Shizuru began before biting back the retort. "This isn't how I planned to look, on a night like tonight."

Natsuki merely smiled at that. "Shizuru, I collect them...I don't wear my showpieces all the time either." Natsuki was unsure if Shizuru was going to follow her all the way down to the floor or let her continue on with her intended task, it didn't matter. Natsuki gently began pulling the jeans down. Her eyes admired Shizuru's long, smooth legs. She hadn't the courage to gaze up at the plain panties that had matched Shizuru's bra. Shizuru was also quite modest, as she let a hand slip over her, hiding the fabric the best she could.

Even when she stepped out of her jeans, Natsuki could see that Shizuru was awaiting negative appraisal.

While she was still on her knees, she leaned in to kiss that hand, and then she took it in hers. Licking her lips, she planted another quick kiss on Shizuru's panties. "There's nothing wrong with taking the innocent approach." Natsuki murmured. They lacked any finesse, but they were soft...simple...and that was what Natsuki liked. She didn't want artful underwear upon a woman she'd not even once had the chance to fully appreciate yet. There was time for that later, when there would be comfort in eying a lover with a hungering, longing expression.

Now was not that night...it was fragile and fleeting, just like that of the cotton that could so easily be ripped if Natsuki chose to do so.

Within her newly acquired courage, she stood and leaned in for another kiss, aching to feel the same hesitation. The same wavering fear that seemed to glaze over those crimson eyes with liquid heat. Natsuki longed to feel it, craved to understand more of the madding fire that was trying to become something more than just a pit of embers. She felt so in tune to the heat of Shizuru's soft breath as their lips remained so close and yet so far. After toying with the distance, a teasing inquiry that couldn't last much longer, their lips met, and Natsuki couldn't hold back her temptation as she let one of her legs part Shizuru's own, feeling the warm heat and the dampness of Shizuru's womanhood.

With a hard, shuddering sigh, Shizuru broke the kiss. A soft utterance, unladylike and raw, got caught in her throat. Hooded eyes closed entirely, and Shizuru found herself needing more support than the wall and part of the table could gift her. "Natsuki." It was the only thing that came through her muddled thoughts. It was Natsuki's touch. Natsuki's breath on her neck. Natsuki's fingertips teasing her, coaxing arousal with every move they made. She wanted to feel more of it, and Natsuki's own jeans were getting in the way of what she knew was silky smooth skin. "Natsuki, wait."

Her hands trailed down to the burdensome fabric that kept her from her desires. Gulping deeply, she couldn't help herself, feeling unsteady as she tried to get some space between them...Natsuki was unwilling to let her go from her grasp and pulled Shizuru into a tight embrace. "You're not taking these off until I take you to that bed." Her implication was clear, her want and desire were the same as Shizuru's. She wouldn't deny that her own hopes were pooling in the deep well of temptation. "You have to promise me that much, the willingness goes both ways...but I won't allow you to dive down into your guilty faults later."

They both had many, and Natsuki had just tossed the heavy topic between them, a test of resolve. "I won't let my transgressions take me over anymore." Shizuru told her, but the reply was weakened by the thoughts that danced in her head.

"Then make it a choice beyond passion." Natsuki had prepared herself for many things upon arriving at the cabin. She'd spent the time to think out failures and victories alike. She'd thought about Shizuru's needs beyond her own. Unconsciously she squeezed her thighs together. Trying to gift herself some bittersweet friction and to ebb away the throbbing she could feel, both frustrating dissipating, and yet, taunting her all the same. Telling her of her needs that she wanted answered, given to her only by Shizuru's touch. "Tell me honestly that you truly want this, and you can rip my jeans apart...but we're not doing this here...we're not going to explain this away later."

Natsuki was trapping them both by saying something so ironclad.

It was a crime, emerald eyes denying her the satisfaction of even pretending this could be anything other than what it was. Sure, she could enjoy this spiraling comfort she found herself wrapped in, and the embrace was something her screaming heart craved...but Natsuki's intentions were made clear. This wasn't about fulfilling fantasies. The wildest dreams, that Shizuru had allowed herself to amuse, were going to be ripped away from her on this night. Natsuki wouldn't let her run away from her fears anymore, and although she looked strong, she had many...and they all revolved around that woman that held her so tightly, she felt as if she may just melt into the embrace forever.

If there was any weakness found within the depths of crimson eyes, it was because of the woman in front of her. "Alright, Natsuki." It was time to admit the most beautiful defeat. She couldn't win the war in her heart...couldn't refuse herself any longer merely because of pride. She'd always thought she'd be the one to make Natsuki into an emotional mess of shaking nerves and whimpering confessions...but now that she saw clearly, the looking glass told her otherwise. Shizuru felt her lacking resolve because she, too, would have to give in. The unexpected, unfathomable, undeniable stare in Natsuki's eyes gave her all the proof she needed. "You can take me to bed."

Natsuki's strength was well concealed often, but there were times when it seemed to be overwhelming, and in a time like now, it became frightening. She could see that Natsuki didn't struggle as much as Shizuru thought she might, when she was lifted into an embrace and taken into the darkness. The only light shone in from the door, and it was not nearly enough to fully light up the room. It flowed over Natsuki, setting her image alight, like that of a goddess. As Natsuki leaned down to set her atop the comforter, long tresses of midnight fell around them. Natsuki didn't bother to straighten herself as she leaned down for a kiss.

Their lips pressed together, and their kiss became raw, and ill planned.

Natsuki guided Shizuru's hands to the front of her jeans, and she left them there, the invitation a pleading one. She dared not break the kiss, not even when her jeans became loose around her, the belt pulled away and discarded. Shizuru's tongue slipped into Natsuki's mouth, drinking in the whimper she elicited when she was able to slip her hands into the confines of the denim, feeling the thin line of lace that boarded Natsuki's panties. Her mind ran wild, wondering just what type of gift awaited her gaze. She gently pulled out of the kiss as her hands reached around to feel more of the soft cloth and to rid Natsuki's of her jeans entirely...they were loose enough that they could be easily kicked off, and Natsuki didn't waste time in that.

They were far more revealing than Shizuru's own, and she had to suppress a curse when she saw Natsuki through the dark lace that left nothing to the imagination.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

There was no possible way to steady her rapidly beating heart. She could feel it trying to burst through her chest as she fumbled through the very first hesitant touch. It was more than merely a simple passing caress. The air in her lungs escaped her, and she found it hard to cling onto precious oxygen. Never once had she thought that a woman so beautiful and also completely untamed, would find such courage to draw upon. There was little more than a blackened void between them. Tender kisses were only enough to tease, and rough fingertips were hardly more than a fluttering example.

They dared to map out the delicate features. It was Natsuki's exploits that made her grip the covers. Shizuru found herself unable to fully piece together just what it was that unsettled her so. She was being lavished upon. Kissed, touched, sweet nothings murmured in her ear...even the way that Natsuki was able to keep lust well away from her emerald orbs. Her expression loving, and slightly pensive...not quite as heated as her earlier endeavors would force outsiders to believe. It was all maddening, not nearly enough...and yet, so much to take in.

Natsuki's inexperience was an echo of truth to Shizuru. That made a lump rise in her throat, an inexplicable emotion that was not quite love nor was it lust...and it was not entirely possessive either. It was something completely docile. Natsuki could so easily render her helpless.

Natsuki's touch was not firm enough to have confidence. Her lips were uneasy. Her fingertips shook, and if that didn't add insult to injury, the fact that she seemed so enthralled within thought was enough. As if she was begging, tiny breaths skittered across the nape of Shizuru's neck. Dark tresses of midnight were a ticklish additive, and Natsuki lowered herself even more, to truly feel the warmth under her for the first time. Softness she knew to be a woman made her squeeze her eyes shut, trying to just drown in a kiss. Her hands went places she'd never had the chance explore. Shizuru's gasp was liquid smooth, and yet, fractured all the same. Natsuki pulled away to look into crimson eyes. The stare she found was intoxicating.

A very fragile one at that, like a wisp of smoke that could fade away in an instant.

She licked her lips, breathing heavily, unsure of what to say...if anything at all. Still, she looked down to the hand that rested atop Shizuru's breast, and gently she rolled the pebbled peak between her fingertips. Shizuru blushed and looked away, slamming her eyes closed as she bit her lower lip. A tiny noise of both pleasure and worry slipped out.

Natsuki scowled a bit, wondering just what exactly she was witnessing. She wanted to know, to see, what was swirling in those crimson eyes. She needed to understand the feeling Shizuru refused to convey. "Shizuru?" The emerald eyed beauty knew she sounded worried, but she must not have realized how much.

"Natsuki..." It was less a shuddering moan, as it was a nearly pained murmur. Shizuru opened her eyes, but she couldn't see anything through the blurriness of her tears. Frightened, she pulled Natsuki down on top of her, her fingers tangling in Natsuki's long tresses as relished the feeling of just holding the woman in her arms. She needed the contact to chase away her uncertainty, and Natsuki's thigh pressed a teasing ache onto her core...she couldn't help it, she blushed a scarlet red...and Natsuki gulped. They dared not move, as they both tried to find some measure of solace within this very new exposure.

Shizuru's arousal spoke volumes, and Natsuki hadn't ever really thought about the implications about what to do after they got this far.

Who would be the strong one? Who would keep fighting down the walls? Who would find the strength, the courage, and the ambition to make a dream such as this real? So many questions, and Natsuki didn't have any answers. She wanted to be able to pull one from the pit of her own desires, but there was nothing she could think of more intimidating than the mind of the person she loved...such a deep conflict seemed to wage war in the most meddlesome of ways. It didn't help that with each passing breath, Natsuki could feel her own need deepen, just by getting lost in such a stare.

Though her mind wouldn't let Natsuki admit it to herself, she knew Shizuru could feel the heated arousal that slipped through the black, lacy panties. They were both so far gone. A very simple solution came forth, a vexing wave whenever Shizuru moved her thigh the slightest bit, setting fire to her already burning core. Natsuki could see the same reflection in red irises...they shared that need in common.

Of course she could make this quick, slide her hand down into Shizuru's panties, and chase away the very pretense of virginity. She could crash against the maddening truth that was making her very well aware that Shizuru was in fact a woman. Still, it didn't sit well with her to try that. Something about the fact that Shizuru was holding onto her so tightly, made her acutely aware that Shizuru really didn't have experience in this aspect of life. She also didn't seem to have any willingness to let go either. Their embrace was a crushing one, and timidly, Natsuki realized someone would have to say something...and that she'd better damn well be the one to do it.

She lowered her lips back to Shizuru's and their breath mingled. "I'll be gentle, Shizuru." She could hardly believe she found the presence of mind to come up with such a line, but it was the truth. "I promise." Shizuru's lips were soft compared to her own. They were full, velvety lips that could speak in the sweetest of ways. They could coax a desire from her so easily. When she pulled out of the dance that their tongues had begun, she let her eyes harden, even if only slightly. Her voice became a smooth, gentle husk. "Don't be afraid."

"It's not that." It was as if some cosmic force was trying to rip them apart, while pushing them that much closer at the same time. "I'm not afraid." Still, her voice wasn't strong enough to maintain the purchase she wished it would.

Natsuki offered a distraction worthy of fractured breath. Natsuki's fingers, once innocently cupping a porcelain cheek began a slow trek. A trio glided down her smooth neck and over her collar bone before disappearing. Then a duo rose up, and Natsuki pressed her lips onto those taunting fingertips, only to rest them upon Shizuru's own, gifting a kiss. Then, one lonely finger remained as it traveled all the way down to the valley of Shizuru's breasts and then over taut abs.

"Enough with the tough front." Natsuki finally offered. "You're terrified." She almost wanted to laugh, her own jitters were creeping up on her as well. She needed Shizuru to understand, and took her hand to kiss it. "That's no secret." Guiding it over her heart, Natsuki enjoyed the tiny astonishment that seemed to flutter across Shizuru's face. "Mine's beating just as fast." It seemed like magic to say it...to even think that there could any weakness between them...or even to allow it to show through. Still, such an action was like a balm for the soul.

Natsuki couldn't hold back the want that had been making itself clear in the back of her mind. She moved her thigh just a little, putting pressure on Shizuru's dampened core, eliciting a small murmur that wasn't entirely one of approval. All the same, it was enough to made Natsuki smile when Shizuru pulled her down into a heated kiss, bucking her hips to further the sensation. Skin against skin, breath upon breath, it was all too much, and yet, not enough. When it became like an inferno, Natsuki pulled away and looked away shyly as she pulled her lower lip between two teeth. "Forgive me, Shizuru...but I want to see where this feeling can truly take us."

Time slowed to a crawl and Shizuru nodded slowly, amusing the whim that Natsuki so desired.


End file.
